Name, Rank and Number and to remain silent thereafter. Apparently that is all I have to give as identification according to Article 17 of the Third Geneva Convention (17 GCIII).

It doesn’t make for much reading but no one can use the information against me. They’ll never make me talk, I know my rights…

Oh, for heavens sake. Who am I trying to kid? What do you want to know? Inside leg measurement? Meaning of life? Where I’ve hidden the bodies?

34”, 42 and like I’d tell you!

In all honesty I’m not sure what you, the reader, really wants to know. Or, how long I can keep your attention for……… Hang on, come back. It won’t take long and you might miss the juicy bits..! Ok there are no juicy bits but stick around anyway.

Who is Jacqueline Florence really? Well, I’m a 55 year old woman, hanging onto the idea that 60 is the new 30 and hanging on to the idea that I’m still 25 by my fingernails. Born in the East End of London and sometimes known to admit that we moved to Essex when I was 9. Though I’ve lived in Aberdeenshire, Scotland now for 30 years, where I can translate Doric to English like a native, but I still sound like Pauline Fowler in full flow.

Having left home at 18 to join the Women’s Royal Naval Service (Wrens) as a meteorologist, I thoroughly enjoyed my time learning the noble art of becoming a professional drinker and an expert in dancing that would impress any Strictly Judge. Well, in my head I could cut some serious shapes at the Seahawk Club’s Thursday Bop to such icons as Simple Minds, Adam Ant and Duran Duran. Nowadays I can still have a good go at chucking some decent moves, but the whole alcohol thing went down the pan years ago. I can just about handle 2 glasses of wine before I’m begging for a cup of tea and wondering if I can get away with slipping home before my bedtime.

After leaving the Wrens and a near miss in the wedding department, I moved to Aberdeen and met Bill. We gained two fantastic kids, Emily and Billy, before finally getting hitched, which included a lot of very drunk Eastenders and Scots taking their lives into their own hands whilst partaking in a wild Scottish Ceilidh.

Sadly though, it wasn’t long before frustration at being a new mum and cabin fever took over. The Black Dog soon came visiting, but, with the support of my family I managed to discover a whole new outlook on life when I became a mature student at the University of Aberdeen. But, as I’m still a mum and wife, and school holidays were never going to fit in with Uni holidays, of course they wouldn’t, many a lecture found my kids having to join their mum in her lectures. With their heads buried in the Argos catalogue, circling their Christmas lists and knowing they were on a promise to Burger King if they behaved, this was the school holiday routine for four years. No one was more surprised than me to be honest that this strategy worked and funnily enough, even now, when they are all grown up, my kids still have fond memories of the delights of the Argos toy shop.

Anyway, four years later, I’m a very proud owner of an MA (Hons) Psychology degree. Though not being happy with just one degree of course, I soon found a passion in Town Planning (don’t judge me) and I began a part-time course at Herriot Watt University, Edinburgh, gaining a Postgraduate MSc in Urban and Regional Planning.

Unfortunately, yet again, the Black dog came calling and after a few years something had to give. Either I gave up work, or I sold the kids. I’m not going to lie, it was a tough call, but apparently there are laws about selling children and so, with a heavy heart, work had to go. It took a number of years, a lot of tears, and a hell of a lot of support from my family and doctor, but eventually I managed to say goodbye to medication and finally learn to be me.

Since then I have not only started writing, but actually completed my first two books which has been a whole new life experience on it’s own. However, that little story is for another time I think. So for now I’ll say tatty bye and take care. I’m off now to finish my new patio in the garden, has anyone seen Bill recently?